MARRY CHRISTMAS!

Urgg... the words are not coming out right...

Brother, I wish you were here. It's really not quite the same without you around.
I am resisting the temptation to be mad at you. :)

HAHA!!!!!!! I'm just overhearing my little girl giving her Uncle a lecture about smoking! Right on!

The other day I told someone that I did not like Christmas. After having just gone through the whole Christmas morning routine I'm realizing that that is not entirely true. I think my dislike for Christmas directly coincided with the time I moved out of my Mama's house.

For the first year it was just Conrad and myself. Of course we visited with the family etc. but there was no little ones around. And although I don't remember much of it because I'm getting along in the years here and my memory is not quite as sharp as it once was.... oh wait, I forgot (case in point), my memory never was all that sharp to being with... anyways... back to the original topic.

First Christmas, Conrad and me... no kids. I figure it HAD to have been pretty darn dull.... orrr... maybe not. Now that I think about it I do remember being excited with all them first "first" together. You know, your first Christmas tree together.. and then there was..... the Christmas tree.. OK so that's the only thing I can think of right now but I'm sure there was more. :)

I know a lot of people have a difficult time with this Christmas season. They find themselves alone, they miss their loved ones, they are reminded of the bleak financial state they are in etc etc. I can understand and even sympathize with all that but I felt RIPPED OFF! Honestly there isn't any two better words to have described how I felt at the time. That's an odd thing to feel don't you think? Like as if somebody owed me something and never followed through. What is up with that?

So ever Christmas the anticipation would build, the day would come and go and the disappointment faithfully followed. I remember saying one year to Conrad, "This is it? This is what all the weeks of planning and preparing was for and it's over just like that?"

I think what they would refer to as "The magic of Christmas" had left me.

I think I grew up.

And now I think that having five kids crowd your bed first thing in the morning as they excitedly dump the contents of their stockings is pretty darn cool... maybe even cooler then what I had back in the day.

Originally I was going to tell my oldest that this was her last year getting a stocking. After all, she's sixteen, has her own cash flow and if she wants/needs something she goes and gets it. But I think I'm changing my mind. I think she'll get one till the day she moves out... or maybe till the day she has her own kids and can watch them open theirs.

I was just bugging my peanut because she disappeared into her room with a new book and hadn't peaked out her head since and here I am being every bit as anti social myself... gotta go.

I wrote this poem minus the last line a few days ago. I was really itching to post it but I knew it wasn't finished. No matter how hard I tried to wrap it up it just wasn't happening.

Today, slightly less distracted and with more clarity of mind I was finally able to come up with what I think is the perfect ending. Surprisingly it came with ease... but I guess that's just how it goes. It's almost as if it has a will of it's own and all one can hope to do is channel it to the best of ones ability.

It Rained Last Night

You've left him time and time again,
alone and standing in the rain,
each time he died a death or two,
and now there's nothing left in him for you.

So this time it's gonna be the other way around,
cuz see, she's done the crying now.
She won't need the shelter from the rain,
No it's never gonna be the same again.

I've found my way a million times before,
through these mazes and these corridors.
This beaten path, has lead me home...
to where I was and where I belong.

I braved the weather...

All I want for Christmas...

oh... wait... I mean... all I want for my birthday is...

Number one on the list is...

A large chunk of uninterrupted time for shooting and writing
agreeable conditions to do it under (nice weather, no guilt trips for bailing on family etc)
and simultaneous creativity to accomplish it with.

Is that too much to ask for?

Oh and then there is always a new lens, and last but not least on my list is your typical girl stuff. You know... clothes, jewelery, shoes etc.

But darn a new lens would be good...

TAKE 2

"Bet you can't eat just one!" It's an old Lay's Chip slogan but it just as easily could have been Satan's famous one liner when he tempted Eve with the fruit of the forbidden tree.

Ohhh.... will have to try it again some other time... just not with it right now.

And they lived happily ever after!

At one time or another both my boys were/are adamant about marrying me which of course I take as the highest form of flattery and of course I tell them that I already married Daddy and so I can't marry them. Just the other day S. being the math master mind and ingenious child that he is came up with a plan. This is how our conversation went.

"I'm gonna marry you Mommy."
"S. we talked about this already, Mommy can't marry you. I already married Daddy."
"And we don't unmarry right Mom?"
"Right" I respond.
"But Mom," he follows,"Dad is older then you right?"
"Right" again I say, as always. It is at that precise moment I realize what his little brain is collaborating.
"So when Dad dies you'll still be alive and then I can marry you!"

What's a girl to say?