I'm at an all time low right now.
What exactly was it that made me this way I don't know.
Maybe I'm just manic.
Yet that's so trendy these days.
EVERYONE'S manic and their Grandma's Grandma too.

Honestly, what tipped it off today?
Was it the heat and my unaccustomed body?
Or maybe just my overweight body.
It started off like crap but I wasn't going to let that ruin the entire day.

Today marks a first.
The first time my son told me he was running away.
I've heard it before, just not from him.
Lately I just really don't like him.
Honestly.
It makes me cry.

Next to everything that comes out of that boys mouth is just nonsense! Do I leave him in his delusional world? It's so exhaustive to continually bring him back to reality and it inevitably puts us at odds day in and day out. I'm so tired. I don't want a computer that "buffers" and "pulls up files" scanning peoples profiles, separating the good guys from the bad guys. I don't want a truck backing up with all it's sounds. I don't want pretend lights flashing in my face. I don't want to have to tell him to walk flat on his feet only to have him unnecessarily injure himself a minute later because he already forgot, third time today. I don't want to try and muster up some sympathy. I have none left. I am all out. I don't want the fabricated weather forecasts, with all the doom and gloom of judgment day. I don't want my son to thrive off of tragedy.

I just want my son.
Has anyone seen him?