Happy Mother's Day

Slightly delayed response on who's part I do not know, but after two and a half long weeks of waiting I finally got my lab results back. It turned out I had collected and brought in everything BUT my baby. Which left only one other possibility. I flushed my own child down the toilet. As bleak of an end as any.

From time to time I think this.

I think that my child died a tragic death at my own hands in more ways then one. I think it did not have to be so. Had I not denied myself food all in the name of a slimmer waist line. Had I worked out only once, not twice that day. Had I gotten more sleep and less stress. Less drink, more milk. Had I KNOWN there was a precious and fragile baby growing inside of me... I would have done things differently. I would have been more careful and maybe... just maybe we would not be where we are today.

Most days I do not let it torture me so. Other times it, unlike my little one, has a life of it's own.