Mother Margaret

Today was and still is to this very moment odd...

The very fact that I am at the computer actually typing and not just thinking about typing. This is odd.

Feelings. Feelings are odd. I've had to put up with a lot of unpleasant, uncharted and undesirable feelings these last few days. I can not stand the turmoil they cause within me. I am furious that I can not predict my own behavior. There is a certain protocol... There was a certain protocol. A prototype, a blueprint, a game plan. Somewhere, somehow, someone changed the rules and forgot to tell me. This is my game for crying out loud! My game!

I like new things. Come to think of it I hate them too... I guess it's a love hate relationship. It figures. I'm not one to get attached to material possessions. In theory I would be happy to swap houses every three or four years just for the change of scenery. And again, in theory I would pick up and leave everything behind if offered the opportunity to serve among the poor and orphaned children in Africa. Really. In a heartbeat. I would not give it a second thought.... Although if you would knew my reasons why you wouldn't think it quite as noble as it all sounds.

I'll have to finish another time... life beckons...