My times with this girl are like gold.
Embraced her for hours, exchanged few words, said a thousand things.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
What a wretched last few says it's been. Since the first MC I have tried to convince myself that the actual act of MC is painful but bearable. I was wrong. It hurts like a bitch. The worst part of it is that I am fine one second and completely incapacitated the next. This sucks. I have a life. I do not wish to nor do I have the luxury to lye in bed for a week. You'd think my kids would be used to it by now but I'm sure it's rather confusing when I am joking around one minute and the next lying on the couch with tears streaming down my pain stricken face. I'd think me mad.
On the plus side, my little girl seems to be more willing to talk about our repeated losses. I know it's been tearing her up inside. I have sent many a prayers on her behalf. What a charge it is to walk my little darlings through this graciously when I myself am at complete loss.
I joined an e-class today and although it does not start for another month I am rather excited about it. Here is the link if you interested:
again not working.... I guess we will just have to go with the good old fashion copy and paste.
http://infertilityeclass.com/Register.html
I'm super psyched. Did I mentioned that? For one, although I know it's not like super revolutionary or anything, I have never done anything like this before. And secondly I recognize how isolating this journey can be and how essential it is to have a community around you who simply get you without you having to explain yourself and without the fear of being judged.
On the plus side, my little girl seems to be more willing to talk about our repeated losses. I know it's been tearing her up inside. I have sent many a prayers on her behalf. What a charge it is to walk my little darlings through this graciously when I myself am at complete loss.
I joined an e-class today and although it does not start for another month I am rather excited about it. Here is the link if you interested:
again not working.... I guess we will just have to go with the good old fashion copy and paste.
http://infertilityeclass.com/Register.html
I'm super psyched. Did I mentioned that? For one, although I know it's not like super revolutionary or anything, I have never done anything like this before. And secondly I recognize how isolating this journey can be and how essential it is to have a community around you who simply get you without you having to explain yourself and without the fear of being judged.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Yeah gotta love contractions without a baby to show for.
Imagine, let's say something the size of a golf ball being pulled through your inner organs at a very sluggish pace allowing you to relish in the experience all the more. Painkillers don't help a bit. I take them anyways. I think of booze, of weed, and of booze. Clearly I'm out of my mind. Slightly ludicrous. Thank God for husbands and the prehistoric invention of hot water bottles. Without those by my side I would be a mess.
Imagine, let's say something the size of a golf ball being pulled through your inner organs at a very sluggish pace allowing you to relish in the experience all the more. Painkillers don't help a bit. I take them anyways. I think of booze, of weed, and of booze. Clearly I'm out of my mind. Slightly ludicrous. Thank God for husbands and the prehistoric invention of hot water bottles. Without those by my side I would be a mess.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
MC stands for...
Allow me to give you a bit of a crash course on the native tong of the infertile.
BTN- Big Fat Negative
BFP- Big Fat Positive :)
2WW- The two week wait after ovulation.
AF - Aunt Flow (that would be THAT time of the month)
DPO- Days Past Ovulation
HCG- Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
HPT- Home Pregnancy Test
MC is for miscarriage.
BTN- Big Fat Negative
BFP- Big Fat Positive :)
2WW- The two week wait after ovulation.
AF - Aunt Flow (that would be THAT time of the month)
DPO- Days Past Ovulation
HCG- Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
HPT- Home Pregnancy Test
MC is for miscarriage.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Six Weeks, Four Days.
"How are you feeling?"
A popular question these days and I really don't mind except that my answer is always the same.
"Too good." I answer.
Here is the scoop. I honestly don't expect myself to reach eight weeks so I guess we will make this the first goal. Not like I can do anything to obtain it but it just helps me in the wait. Somehow three shorter time spans seem more endurable then one long one. And even if I do get there it's not like we're in the clear. I just may be carrying a dead baby, blissfully unaware. Ok maybe minus the bliss part but you get the idea.
Goal #2 is ten weeks. If I have made it that far without any bleeding things have obviously progressed further then ever before. If I miscarriage after it will only prove to be that much more painful both emotionally and physically.
The small light at the end of the tunnel and also my third goal for this trying season is the thirteenth week which is noted as the beginning of the second trimester. After the thirteenth week, chances of miscarriage drop to bellow 10%.
A popular question these days and I really don't mind except that my answer is always the same.
"Too good." I answer.
Here is the scoop. I honestly don't expect myself to reach eight weeks so I guess we will make this the first goal. Not like I can do anything to obtain it but it just helps me in the wait. Somehow three shorter time spans seem more endurable then one long one. And even if I do get there it's not like we're in the clear. I just may be carrying a dead baby, blissfully unaware. Ok maybe minus the bliss part but you get the idea.
Goal #2 is ten weeks. If I have made it that far without any bleeding things have obviously progressed further then ever before. If I miscarriage after it will only prove to be that much more painful both emotionally and physically.
The small light at the end of the tunnel and also my third goal for this trying season is the thirteenth week which is noted as the beginning of the second trimester. After the thirteenth week, chances of miscarriage drop to bellow 10%.
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