January 12th, Week 5, Day 5

Nauseous and a pleasant mouth full of vomit to report on. Could be a good sign or it could have just been one too many cookies. :) Headache.

Third time the charm?

So I POAS today and got a BFP.

A great way to start the new year?

A rocky way to start a new year.

I've decided that outside of giving my OB a call to notify her of the pregnancy I will not be going in for any testing. No hcgs, no paps, no ultrasounds. It's not going to make a difference one way or another. What will be will be. I intend to enjoy the presence of my baby every day that we are given. I do not need more reason to stress. I've got that area fully covered. Oh how I wish that a BFP was the end of the race, not just the beginning.

Done with analyzing every symptom I have and fabricating any I do not all in an effort to convince myself that this is THE month.

Did two HPS from Dollorma, one last Saturday, came up faint positive (hehe! I DID say I would not invest another dollar in this industry so I went the cheap route.) One today which again come up faint positive. Not wanting to goof around I dished out the 15 bucks for brand name and thankfully got a BFP!

At least for the time being I am done obsessing about getting pregnant. I am moving on to bigger and better things. Obsessing about BEING pregnant. Thus the daily account... lucky you. :)

Conception date, apparently Christmas Day, kinda sweet since it's DH birthday.

January 11th: Week 5, Day 4.

Moody to the max. Outside of that no real symptoms. Still experiencing light abdominal pressure as if to expect AF arrival any minute. Checking TP every time. Will I ever stop?

R.I.P Kevin

So it's been a while, as per usual, no need to stir things up and be prompt or anything.

I am not sure why I am here today. I have nothing of particular to say. I've sat here these last few nights and gone on a quest to search for some new music to feast my ears upon. One treasure you may or may not have heard. A Fine Frenzy, Almost Lovers. I think it's part of the New Moon soundtrack which in my books is a con not a pro but regardless. Now I am onto Ingrid Michaelson. Interesting lyrics. Broken girl from the little I gather. Sometimes this is good...

I bought new boots today. I know you may not think it so, and I cannot explain it but this is rather monumental...they will not last. I know this but I bought them regardless. I needed new boots. Besides, it's my birthday in a few days.

I am turning 29. I am old. 29 on the other hand is not. But such is life. Big family. Lot's of sacrifices and compromises for all alike.

Celebrating my birthday seemed like one big inconvenience this time around and I just could not stomach it. My annual five minute pity party. Invitation only, black-tie event kinda deal. It was a hoot, what can I say? I shouldn't complain. For all intense and purposes it appears I will finally ( I don't wanna jinks it) get to eat at Bistro 7.25. Only a few years in the making. Will keep you posted.

I saw people today, they pulled my strings one day. Nice to be free and and not obey.

I am egocentric. Every paragraph starts with the letter "I".

Haha!!

"Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I"

Conrad and I need to put them lyrics to memory and make that the theme song of our lives! One day you will receive a nice sweater in the mail along with an invitation for dance lessons and you will immediately think of me.

H had a minor surgery today to remove some scar tissue that she has affectionately named "Kevin" over the years. I do not ever wish pain upon my darling but teleporting opportunities such as these do not present themselves very often. She looked daggers upon me, rebuking me for not being within reach. We locked eyes, joined hands, and fused hearts all the more. Love that girl to pieces...

Note to self: Do not watch movies with chicks with big bellies.

I am not a stranger to tiredness, although this time round it's really derailed me. It is one thing to face the blues, another to lose steam, but this I am unaccustomed to and unsure of how to cope with. One too many late nights, school, coping with multiple losses, adjusting to number six, the weather.... hmmm... the weather? As mentioned before it has this eerie tendency to dictate my life, or at least how I view it. I have made a vow, sworn an oath, to myself and to the well being of my entire brood, to hang tight till the sun shines again. Not now. Far from it. This darkness and chill of the night. So I hang tight...

...and build juice box costumes at night. ( ...having flashes of me and Taylor Swift doing a duet) Juice box costumes you might ask? (that's the word "might" with an M not "night" with an N) Yes. Juice Box Costume. Apple and white grape to be exact. 100% natural fruit juices. 100% recyclable. 100% lovable! I tell you, after having spent an entire day pouring myself out to 12 homeschooling children this was the LAST thing I wanted to with my Thursday evening and yet the ONE thing I most needed to refresh my soul. What can I say? This may seem rather odd and out of place to say here and now but regardless here it goes. "Dang she makes me proud." Pictures coming later for certain. Or maybe you'll just have to see it on facebook. Or maybe you won't. (Feeling really cheeky right now and biting my lip, in a stopping-my-fingers from-typing-kinda-way, to prevent me from adding something else here.)

I really am feeling cheeky. Must be the second wind.

Right... moving along.

My walkway is finished. It's a beaute. It really is. Wait till you see it next summer, with all the flower beds in place and all the grass freshly a'growin. Perfect just in time to sell. :) And yet regardless of how proud I am of the end result it will always be rather bitter sweet to look upon. I have lost not one, but two of my babies in the midst of this project. Some plant Baby's Breath to memorate, Margaret builds a walkway.

And speaking of babies... my "place of safety" has turned into Lamaze class so I'm bailing. I thought I could do it. I really did, but I can't. Besides, it's just best for all involved. No hard feelings. It just is what it is.

I just finished reading a really bad book. Not terrible like in a "that was really bad" sense, just terrible in a "that wasn't very good" sense. As in, there really wasn't enough in there to write a book on to begin with. I simply wasted a few hours of my life, time that I may never gain back and time that I have not a single thing to show for other then this.

After all maybe I too can be a published author.

Certainly anything I might write can not be any less useless then the book I just read. I'd tell you the title so you would not fall victim to it yourself, but I don't remember it. Rather suiting if you ask me.

This does not come up in the daily, "Hey how's the weather?" pleasantries most common folk tend to engage in so I'll just come out with it. I have a surrogate. I always kinda just wanna tell that to someone, get it of my chest you know? I feel so much better... And hey while I am at it I might as well tell all, that there is more then one.

Girls, girls, and more girls. Like I don't have enough dealings with them already. Like I don't have a hard enough time tracking down my hair brush in the mornings as is. Like I don't already NOT get to wear my new slippers because someone else has claimed them. (the fact that up until now I claimed someone else's slippers is entirely besides the point) Like I even like girls to begin with! We tend to be such a petty gender. Ahh... shut up Margaret. I suppose we all tend to cater to our lower selves at one time or another. Anyways... they are sweet girls, remarkable actually. They'd have to be because I do not accept anything less then pure excellence.

What else do you wanna know?

This new Beaver head kid? Justin or something the rather. Can't stand him. Really, is he even done with diapers yet? Stay tuned to a rewrite of his latest hit, One Less Lonely Girl. And no I do NOT want to send the ringtone to my cell phone.

Oh and... I started flossing. ;)

Sorry for the rough copy but there's just no time I tell yeah! No time!