Where Do Dead DVD Players Go?

It's just about 1 A.M.and the thought of going to bed, on a night like tonight, troubles me. It's going to be one long day tomorrow. I just hope I can get through it without biting anyone head off but between trying to ration my calorie intake and sleep deprivation, I duno. It's not looking promising.

This is the last time I'm gonna talk about this but here it goes.

The other day, a week ago today to be exact I had a friend over cuz I'm tired of spending my Friday nights home alone. Not that S is chop liver. We always have a blast and I try not to think about the fact that our little date nights are going to come to an end next September. But bedtime is round 8ish which leaves... that leaves the rest of the night is what it leaves.

Anyways... rented a movie... "The Traveler" if I recall correctly... About half way through the movie the rest of the little people come home so I go to hit the pause button to tuck them into bed. I get a serious shock when I come in contact with it and I FRIED the DVD player! KFC style! It goes all wonko, half paused but still kinda playing slow mo and all messed up. Pushing stop is useless, as is the play button. I can't even turn the bloody thing off so I had to resort to pulling the plug on it. Now it still works, don't get me wrong, I'm not a complete freak. It's just rather selective now about whether or not it's going to open when instructed.

So yeah... that's that.

I have more, so much more... that I need to get off my "vest" as my little girl called it today.

Totally loving the song "Sober" by Pink and even with the volume cranked on max on my little computer speakers here, I simply can not get it loud enough to satisfy.

To satisfy: to fulfill the desires, expectations, needs, or demands of (a person, the mind, etc.); to give full contentment to.

I'm extremely tired now so forgive me if this stuff didn't make too much sense...

Duhhh!!!!!!!!

I once heard that we as human beings are the only "species" who when in search of healing return to the place where the wound originally occurred.

That's awfully stupid of us...

YOUR OK

So I don't think I reached my goal of 1.something posts a day or whatever it was. I actually don't think I came anywhere near that but such if life. It throws curve balls when it feels like it... without much a warning.

I was driving home this evening and I pulled up behind some car... don't know what kind of car cuz I'm a girl and I couldn't care less but it was blue... I know that much. And it had a rockin license plate. I'm usually not a fan of them cheezmo plates, the ones that say things like 4MYLOVE, FFFFFFF or ZOOMR... but this one for some reason made me smile and then laugh.. not like a LOL laugh but a silent inner laugh.

It said: YOUR-OK

I don't know why I laughed but I did and I really needed it...

Since we're on the topic of my drive home. I used to think it strange that when ever I drove or went for a walk at night, street lamps would just spontaneously turn off... like repeatedly, I don't mean once or twice, they would turn off, only to turn back on as I continued on. I decided to forget about it... and then there is a night like tonight.

Mind you it is a long ride going from west side to south side but never less, not one, not two, not three, not four lights, but FIVE stinken lights go out right over my head! FIVE LIGHTS!

There is me, trying to remain composed... thinking to myself:

"There is nothing out of the ordinary happening here... but if one more light goes then that's it!"

Not exactly sure what that "it" would be but whatever... and of course even if it had which it didn't I would have said ok, a seventh one and then that's it!

But no, there was no sixth lamp that died in my presence. But here is what did happen.

I pull up behind another vehicle who stops at the traffic light right by my bank there. He turn's right... I do another take of the light situation to see if it has changed... and...

What lights?
There all out!
Nothing! Nada!

I shake my head in disbelief, take a right turn and drive away..
I looked back and would it surprise you to hear that they were all back on as if nothing had ever occurred?

MARRY CHRISTMAS!

Urgg... the words are not coming out right...

Brother, I wish you were here. It's really not quite the same without you around.
I am resisting the temptation to be mad at you. :)

HAHA!!!!!!! I'm just overhearing my little girl giving her Uncle a lecture about smoking! Right on!

The other day I told someone that I did not like Christmas. After having just gone through the whole Christmas morning routine I'm realizing that that is not entirely true. I think my dislike for Christmas directly coincided with the time I moved out of my Mama's house.

For the first year it was just Conrad and myself. Of course we visited with the family etc. but there was no little ones around. And although I don't remember much of it because I'm getting along in the years here and my memory is not quite as sharp as it once was.... oh wait, I forgot (case in point), my memory never was all that sharp to being with... anyways... back to the original topic.

First Christmas, Conrad and me... no kids. I figure it HAD to have been pretty darn dull.... orrr... maybe not. Now that I think about it I do remember being excited with all them first "first" together. You know, your first Christmas tree together.. and then there was..... the Christmas tree.. OK so that's the only thing I can think of right now but I'm sure there was more. :)

I know a lot of people have a difficult time with this Christmas season. They find themselves alone, they miss their loved ones, they are reminded of the bleak financial state they are in etc etc. I can understand and even sympathize with all that but I felt RIPPED OFF! Honestly there isn't any two better words to have described how I felt at the time. That's an odd thing to feel don't you think? Like as if somebody owed me something and never followed through. What is up with that?

So ever Christmas the anticipation would build, the day would come and go and the disappointment faithfully followed. I remember saying one year to Conrad, "This is it? This is what all the weeks of planning and preparing was for and it's over just like that?"

I think what they would refer to as "The magic of Christmas" had left me.

I think I grew up.

And now I think that having five kids crowd your bed first thing in the morning as they excitedly dump the contents of their stockings is pretty darn cool... maybe even cooler then what I had back in the day.

Originally I was going to tell my oldest that this was her last year getting a stocking. After all, she's sixteen, has her own cash flow and if she wants/needs something she goes and gets it. But I think I'm changing my mind. I think she'll get one till the day she moves out... or maybe till the day she has her own kids and can watch them open theirs.

I was just bugging my peanut because she disappeared into her room with a new book and hadn't peaked out her head since and here I am being every bit as anti social myself... gotta go.

I wrote this poem minus the last line a few days ago. I was really itching to post it but I knew it wasn't finished. No matter how hard I tried to wrap it up it just wasn't happening.

Today, slightly less distracted and with more clarity of mind I was finally able to come up with what I think is the perfect ending. Surprisingly it came with ease... but I guess that's just how it goes. It's almost as if it has a will of it's own and all one can hope to do is channel it to the best of ones ability.