Tuesday July 30. Weighing in at 147.8 pounds.

Not so long ago, in the not too distant past, I was afraid of dying. Not of what lay ahead, and beyond this life, for I believe my future is secure, but just the actual act of dying. Maybe of growing old too... I didn't think I would be ready no matter when the time came. Not at fifty, sixty, not even if I had managed to live to the ripe old age of one hundred. But lately, I seem to have had a change of heart and mind. I can easily see me saying, "I am tired now." and closing my eyes for one last time, to breath no more.

Tomorrow I get the pleasure of spending some time with an older gentleman who's lived life to it's abundance and has a story to tell no matter what the topic. I appreciate his position in life. Having been there, done that, it allows one to look at life from a different perspective, one I wish I could more often glance there from.

Funny thing, this relationship we have. Just in it's infant stages we jump through much the same hoops and perform the same dance as young lovers do.

"I had a really nice time yesterday."
"I hope we can do this again sometime."
"Yes me too, I'll call you."

Just yesterday Conrad asked if maybe I would see him on Monday it being a holiday and all. Without much a thought I said, "No, his wife will be home." A moments silence followed by some laughter. It's not how it sounds.

I dreamt some crazy dreams last night. Bitter sweet. Woke up with a heavy heart and oh so badly wanted to tell you about her but didn't.

The campers next door, they had a dog. Correction, they have a dog. Her name is Khali. I, completely unaware, unprepared, sideswiped. Sharp pangs of pain through my heart, knocking me to the ground. Focus. Maintain composure. Breath. This too will pass.

It's after 1 am now. I should go to sleep. Another day, another dollar. Needing sun...