April 22nd

There is a lot of health benefits to eating honey none of which will I get into at the moment but one of the most obvious effects that honey has is it makes the bitter sweet again which is what mine did for me today.

Thank you love.

Did you know that the brain of a young child will not be fooled by optical illusions? News to me. It certainly would have been a helpful bit of information to have the time I tried to incorporate one in a homeschooling lesson. It is only with our mature and experienced brains that we learn how to miss read information according to it's context. Yet I think we can all agree that for the most part, context is necessary.

Turns out there is more traffic round this little old blog of mine then I ever could have apprehended. Which can only mean one thing. Time for a disclaimer. See it's all in the context. If you take every word for what it's worth... well I don't know what you ARE doing but what you SHOULD be doing is calling the local police because I'm pretty sure I've made mention to drowning someone... maybe... one... or twice... a long time ago. :)

Some of what you read is fact, some is fiction. Most of it is off the cuff and passes by numerous of filters I otherwise make use of on a regular basis. I'd say it's my attempt at keeping it real and authentic but I know for a fact that in today's times folks have link authenticity with the license to do and say anything they may feel like at any give moment without much a thought to ones neighbor. Which if you ask me results in nothing more then mere stupidity, and a general a breed of rude and arrogant people. Yeah, yeah, I get that out ancestors were stiff-necked people and you crave freedom of expression but ask yourself this. Since when does swinging the pendulum to the other side bring balance?

I write without obligation to explain myself, or to make sense for that matter. I write primarily for me, not for you. I write despite of the fact that I am not gifted at it. I write because most of the time I like to and because sometimes I simply need to.

It starts pleasantly enough with me and my baby wadding in some water with friends at a family camp. I get called upon, have to attend to something or another so I ask my friend Cheryl to watch my little one who is sitting contently in a floaty. I have been gone a few minutes at most.

As I am making my way back I see my baby scrimmaging out of the safety buckle and standing on the flotation device. Nobody is minding her. I yell for help but I might as well be mute. I scream obscenities in an effort of getting someones attention. She cannot stand. Not on her own. Don't they realize this? She's only seven months old. I run but do not move. I watch as she falls in the water yet still no one has taken note. I jump in after her. I think, "This can not be happening to me, can it? Not again... I can't lose another one. How could it... ".

We dive under, searching, hoping to retrieve her but it is useless. My baby is gone. The following day they drain the lake and find my baby's body just to the other side of where she first went under.

Fast forward to the funeral. A small white chapel, white roses, white coffin. This is how it should be I think to myself. She was so small and innocent. So pure. My baby...

Roses are Red

Went to hang with some peeps today. I've been avoiding them for some time now. They were expecting and now have a second daughter. Two of the most unbelievably adorable little girls one could find.

She's kept her distance, both out of respect and out of awkwardness I presume. He peers into my soul which freaks me right out. I feel exposed like I did with James the other day.

Babies everywhere and it's not even like I can ignore them try as I might. For one, they are super cute and two it seems everyone is compelled to makes silly baby noises. I leave the room.

My first OB never gave us a due date. I imagine she suspected it would not end well. With the second pregnancy I did get one and despite my alarm the date is rapidly approching. I'm thinking of crawling under a rock.

Happy Birthday to you...

My times with this girl are like gold.
Embraced her for hours, exchanged few words, said a thousand things.